i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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