Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
