I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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