The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
