I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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