Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
