now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
