just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
