A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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