This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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