dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
