I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize