Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
