did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
