my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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