I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
