And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
