just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
