it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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