She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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