I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
