Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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