I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
