I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
