Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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