Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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