I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
