I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
