You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
