I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just found puke in my bra..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
