How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize