I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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