She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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