Just fell off a train. Bad.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
