dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone shattered a urinal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
