my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
