just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
