Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
