I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
