Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
