Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize