Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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