I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
