And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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