I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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