i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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