Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
