I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
