i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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