How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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