there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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