So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
