Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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