Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize