CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
