i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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