I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
