We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
