I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
