I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i drank out of a bidet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize