your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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