mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
