Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
