just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
