Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
