someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize