I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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