Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
