is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
