we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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