just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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