just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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