I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
please come you make the beer taste better
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
