walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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