I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
