she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize