so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
