oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
