I CAN MOONWALK!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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