I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
