im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
