I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
