So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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