ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Holy shit dude........stairs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
