He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
