you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
