don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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