Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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