broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
