Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
