i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
