The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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