Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
