FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
