omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
