I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
