forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
