we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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