GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he was CRYING into my vagina
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
