we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize