Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My friends, they love my intelligence
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
