Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
