My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize