Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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